What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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