Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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