Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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