I am full of burrito and curiosity
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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