I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
