I don't think brook has ever known best
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
