take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
