remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
