Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
