my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
