It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
