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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
