So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
