So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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