I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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