Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
