So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
