i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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