Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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