I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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