She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
