You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
