Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
