this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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