Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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