Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
