no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to make out with him forever
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize