Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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