I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
