I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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