just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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