Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
