hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
