We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
