Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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