Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
