it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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