Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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