you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
