Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
