I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
