Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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