try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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