Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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