I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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