feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
