We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
