the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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