I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
