I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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