I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
