I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
