Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i love accidental penises.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
