all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
