this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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