No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
