People in love make me want to vomit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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