my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
