Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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