My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
