i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
