You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can Purell be used as lube?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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