Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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