Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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