literally had 100 drinks last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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