how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
