I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
