so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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