gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
