I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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