i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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