So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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