He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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