haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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