I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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